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Archive for category: Children and Family Justice

You are here: Home1 / Blog2 / 6. Tools Templates Research & Cases3 / Children and Family Justice

Canada Is Treating Coercive Control as a Pattern — Are UK Family Courts Doing Enough?

August 8, 2026/0 Comments/in 4. Domestic Abuse & Safeguarding Cluster, 6. Tools Templates Research & Cases, Children and Family Justice, McKenzie Friend Support/by jessica susan hill

Canada is taking a notably joined-up approach to coercive control, recognising it not just as a criminal justice issue but as a pattern of behaviour with consequences across family law, civil liability and the welfare of children. That matters because coercive control is rarely understood properly when the evidence is broken into isolated incidents. This article looks at Canada’s developing three-layer framework, compares it with the law and procedure in England and Wales, and asks whether our family courts are consistently equipped to identify the pattern, power imbalance and post-separation harm that coercive control can create.

JSH Law | Family Justice, Domestic Abuse & Coercive Control

“`

Canada’s New Approach to Coercive Control: What England and Wales Can Learn From a Three-Layer Response to Family Violence

Canada is building something increasingly significant around coercive control: recognition in family law, a new civil cause of action for intimate partner violence, and now a specific criminal offence. The important question for England and Wales is not simply whether our law contains similar words. It is whether our family justice system is consistently capable of recognising the pattern those words are supposed to describe.

“`

In summary

“`

Canada has not simply created a new “tier” of family violence. What is emerging is a broader legal architecture in which coercive control is recognised across family law, civil law and criminal law.

That matters because coercive control is rarely understood properly by examining isolated incidents. It is about patterns, power, autonomy, fear, restriction and the cumulative effect of behaviour over time — including behaviour which continues after separation and through children or legal proceedings.

“`

An important clarification

“`

Social-media discussion has sometimes described the Canadian development as a new “tier” of family violence. That is not quite the legal position. The more important development is that coercive control is increasingly being recognised across several different areas of Canadian law, with family, civil and criminal law all moving towards an understanding of domestic abuse as a cumulative pattern rather than simply a collection of isolated incidents.

“`

In this article

“`
  • What Canada actually means by “family violence”
  • Why coercive control has been part of Canadian federal family law since 2021
  • How children are recognised as victims of family violence
  • The Supreme Court of Canada’s 2026 decision in Ahluwalia v Ahluwalia
  • Canada’s new criminal offence of coercive control
  • Why the offence is not yet operational
  • How the Canadian framework compares with England and Wales
  • The Domestic Abuse Act 2021, PD12J and Re H-N
  • Why incident-by-incident analysis can fail victims and children
  • Post-separation abuse and the use of children as instruments of control
  • What family courts in England and Wales could learn from Canada
  • Practical implications for litigants in person
“`

This is not simply a new criminal offence

The most interesting thing about what is happening in Canada is not one statute.

It is the direction of travel.

Canadian law is increasingly recognising coercive control in three distinct but connected ways.

1. Family law: coercive and controlling behaviour is expressly incorporated within the federal Divorce Act definition of family violence and the best-interests analysis.

“`

2. Civil law: in May 2026, the Supreme Court of Canada recognised a new tort of intimate partner violence in Ahluwalia v Ahluwalia, addressing the distinctive harm caused by coercive control.

3. Criminal law: the Protecting Victims Act, which received Royal Assent on 18 June 2026, creates a specific Criminal Code offence concerning coercive or controlling conduct towards an intimate partner.

“`

That matters because coercive control has always been difficult for legal systems built around identifying discrete events.

A punch is an event.

A threat is an event.

A particular abusive message is an event.

Coercive control is often something different.

It may consist of hundreds of individually explainable acts which, when viewed together, establish an architecture of domination: surveillance, isolation, intimidation, financial restriction, manipulation of children, threats, humiliation, regulation of everyday life, interference with relationships, litigation pressure and the systematic erosion of another person’s autonomy.

Look at only one incident and the abuse may appear insignificant.

Look at the pattern and the case may look completely different.


Canada has recognised coercive control in family law since 2021

Canada did not suddenly discover coercive control in 2026.

Important amendments to the federal Divorce Act came into force on 1 March 2021.

The Act defines “family violence” broadly. Crucially, the definition is not restricted to behaviour which constitutes a criminal offence.

It includes violent or threatening behaviour, conduct causing fear for someone’s safety and a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour.

It can include:

  • physical abuse;
  • sexual abuse;
  • threats to kill or cause bodily harm;
  • harassment and stalking;
  • psychological abuse;
  • financial abuse;
  • failure to provide necessities;
  • threats against animals or property; and
  • harm to animals or damage to property.

The definition is particularly important for children because it expressly includes a child’s direct or indirect exposure to family violence.

That distinction matters

“`

A family court is not conducting a criminal prosecution. The question is not simply whether conduct could be proved beyond reasonable doubt as a criminal offence. The court is concerned with the child’s welfare, risk and the reality of family functioning. Canada expressly puts that distinction into its federal family-law framework.

“`

Children do not need to be physically assaulted to be affected by abuse

This is an area where both Canadian law and the law of England and Wales have moved significantly.

A child can be harmed by domestic abuse even where the abusive parent never lays a hand on the child.

Children can live inside the consequences of coercive control.

They may watch one parent modify everything they say and do to avoid another parent’s reaction.

They may understand which subjects cannot safely be discussed.

They may become messengers.

They may be questioned after spending time with the other parent.

Their telephone contact may be monitored.

Their relationships with grandparents, siblings or the other side of their family may become contested territory.

They may learn that affection itself carries consequences.

They may therefore experience the abusive system even when they are not its original target.

Canada’s Divorce Act expressly requires courts examining family violence to consider whether a child was directly or indirectly exposed to it and the resulting physical, emotional or psychological harm or risk of harm.

This is not a peripheral issue. It is part of the best-interests assessment.

Canada asks courts to identify the pattern

Section 16 of the Canadian Divorce Act requires courts dealing with family violence to consider a number of factors, including:

  • the nature, seriousness and frequency of the family violence;
  • when it occurred;
  • whether there is a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour;
  • whether the violence was directed at the child;
  • whether the child was directly or indirectly exposed to it;
  • physical, emotional and psychological harm or risk of harm;
  • whether the safety of the child or another family member has been compromised;
  • whether the behaviour caused fear for safety; and
  • what steps, if any, the person responsible has taken to prevent further violence and improve their parenting.

Justice Canada’s explanatory material goes further.

It recognises that coercive and controlling family violence is cumulative.

It also recognises something practitioners dealing with post-separation abuse will immediately understand: children and parenting arrangements themselves may be used as instruments of continued control.

Justice Canada gives examples including refusing to comply with parenting orders or threatening the former partner with the loss of parenting time.

The critical question is often not “What happened on Tuesday?” It is “What system of behaviour existed before, during and after Tuesday — and what did that system do to the adults and children living inside it?”

Then came Ahluwalia v Ahluwalia

On 15 May 2026, the Supreme Court of Canada delivered a major judgment in Ahluwalia v Ahluwalia.

The case concerned whether Canadian law should recognise a civil claim capable of addressing the distinctive harm caused by intimate partner violence.

The Court concluded that existing torts did not fully capture that harm and recognised a new tort of intimate partner violence.

This is important because traditional civil claims may identify particular wrongs — such as assault or intentional infliction of emotional distress — while still missing what coercive control does as a whole.

The Supreme Court described intimate partner violence in terms of coercive and controlling conduct capable of undermining a person’s dignity, autonomy and equality.

It is not limited to physical violence.

Relevant behaviour may include:

  • isolation;
  • humiliation;
  • surveillance;
  • financial control;
  • sexual coercion;
  • intimidation; and
  • other behaviour which, understood contextually, amounts to coercive control.

The significance is difficult to overstate.

The law is recognising that there can be a distinct injury in stripping another person of meaningful autonomy over time.

That injury cannot always be understood by separating the relationship into a spreadsheet of incidents.

The new Canadian criminal offence

Canada then took another major step.

The Protecting Victims Act, formerly Bill C-16, received Royal Assent on 18 June 2026.

Among a wider package of criminal justice reforms, the legislation creates a specific offence aimed at a pattern of coercive or controlling conduct towards an intimate partner.

The legislation is intended to capture combinations or repeated instances of conduct including violence, sexual coercion and other controlling behaviour which would reasonably be expected to cause an intimate partner to believe that their physical or psychological safety is threatened.

The statutory scheme identifies areas of a victim’s life which coercive behaviour may attempt to control, including:

  • social interactions;
  • communications;
  • childcare decisions;
  • employment;
  • education;
  • finances;
  • property;
  • physical appearance;
  • access to healthcare or medication;
  • expression of opinions; and
  • participation in linguistic or cultural communities.

Threats of suicide or self-harm used as part of a coercive pattern may also fall within the framework where the statutory requirements are satisfied.

The new offence carries a maximum sentence of 10 years’ imprisonment on indictment.

But there is an important caveat: it is not yet operational

Do not miss this

“`

Bill C-16 became law on 18 June 2026, but Justice Canada states that the coercive-control provisions will come into force no later than two years after Royal Assent.

They are therefore enacted, but at the time of writing in August 2026 they are not yet an operational criminal offence.

“`

The reason given for the delayed commencement is particularly telling.

Canada wants time for training and implementation.

That is a lesson in itself.

Coercive control legislation can fail if police, lawyers, social workers, prosecutors, judges and safeguarding professionals continue to search only for incidents.

You cannot legislate for patterns of abuse and then train professionals to look exclusively for episodes.

Nor can a legal system sensibly say that coercive control is cumulative and contextual while forcing victims to reduce years of behaviour to a small number of decontextualised allegations.

Canada has also connected coercive control with femicide

The 2026 reforms go further again.

Canada’s new legislation changes the treatment of certain murders occurring in circumstances involving coercive control, hate, sexual violence or exploitation and expressly uses the term femicide where the victim is female.

That is significant because coercive control is not merely being treated as unpleasant relationship behaviour.

It is being recognised within a risk continuum.

This reflects something domestic-abuse specialists have argued for years: coercive control is relevant not only because of the psychological damage it causes but because patterns of domination, stalking, threats, possessiveness and escalating post-separation behaviour can also be important indicators of serious risk.

Separation does not necessarily end coercive control.

In some cases, it changes its form.


So how does England and Wales compare?

England and Wales should not be presented as legally backward on coercive control.

We already have substantial legislation.

Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 created the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 subsequently broadened the framework, including removing the previous requirement that perpetrator and victim be living together for the coercive-control offence to apply.

That was crucial for recognising post-separation abuse.

The Domestic Abuse Act also provides a broad statutory definition of domestic abuse encompassing:

  • physical or sexual abuse;
  • violent or threatening behaviour;
  • controlling or coercive behaviour;
  • economic abuse; and
  • psychological, emotional or other abuse.

Importantly, section 3 recognises children as victims of domestic abuse where they see, hear or experience the effects of abuse between connected adults and are related to them.

So England and Wales already possess many of the building blocks.

The difficulty is often not whether the law recognises coercive control.

The difficulty is how reliably the family justice system identifies, evidences and responds to it.

PD12J is stronger than many litigants realise

Practice Direction 12J governs child-arrangements proceedings where domestic abuse is alleged, admitted or there is other reason to believe that domestic abuse has occurred.

It expressly recognises controlling and coercive behaviour.

It requires courts to consider domestic abuse at every stage of proceedings and, where relevant, identify factual and welfare issues and ensure that child arrangements do not expose a child or parent to further harm.

Where abuse is established, the court may need to consider its effect on:

  • the child;
  • the child’s relationship with each parent;
  • the parent with whom the child lives;
  • future arrangements;
  • the likelihood of future abusive behaviour; and
  • each parent’s capacity to understand the effect of the abuse.

PD12J also directs attention to whether a parent is genuinely promoting the child’s welfare or using the proceedings to continue domestic abuse against the other parent.

That provision should be read carefully.

Because post-separation coercive control can migrate directly into family proceedings.

The family court itself can become part of the machinery of control

Litigation is not inherently abusive.

Parents must be able to bring genuine welfare disputes before a court.

But proceedings can be weaponised.

That may happen through repeated applications, unnecessary communications, relentless allegations, financially exhausting procedural activity, demands for information, manipulation of handovers, monitoring through children or continued attempts to exercise control over the other parent’s daily life.

Parliament expressly recognised this risk when reforming section 91(14) of the Children Act 1989.

PD12J and Practice Direction 12Q acknowledge that further applications may themselves form part of a pattern of controlling or coercive behaviour.

The court can therefore restrict further Children Act applications without permission where the statutory criteria are met.

That is a safeguarding power, not simply a case-management convenience.

Re H-N: stop looking at abuse through a keyhole

The Court of Appeal’s decision in Re H-N and Others (Children) (Domestic Abuse: Finding of Fact Hearings) [2021] EWCA Civ 448 remains central to understanding coercive control in private children proceedings.

One of its most important implications is that the court must not lose the overall evidential picture by treating allegations as completely disconnected events.

Coercive control is, by definition, about pattern and context.

A traditional schedule of allegations may sometimes assist in identifying disputed facts.

But it can also become a poor analytical tool where the allegation is fundamentally that numerous behaviours worked together to establish domination, fear, dependency or control.

This concern has now been reinforced procedurally.

Amendments to PD12J taking effect from 5 January 2026 expressly moved away from an overly rigid focus on “Scott Schedules” and emphasised a holistic assessment of domestic-abuse allegations, including patterns of coercive and controlling behaviour.

This is a significant procedural development

“`

A victim should not be forced to prove the architecture of coercive control by pretending it is merely a collection of unrelated bricks.

“`

The real comparison: Canada has made the pattern unusually explicit

England and Wales recognise coercive control.

Canada recognises coercive control.

The difference is therefore more subtle than “Canada has it and we do not”.

The interesting feature of the Canadian approach is the degree to which the same underlying concept is becoming visible across multiple legal domains.

“`
Issue Canada England & Wales
Family-law recognition Family violence under the Divorce Act expressly includes patterns of coercive and controlling behaviour. Domestic Abuse Act 2021 and PD12J expressly recognise controlling and coercive behaviour.
Children Direct or indirect exposure to family violence is expressly recognised. Children who see, hear or experience the effects of domestic abuse can themselves be statutory victims.
Criminal coercive-control offence Enacted in 2026; commencement delayed for training and implementation. Section 76 Serious Crime Act 2015, subsequently extended to post-separation conduct.
Civil damages Supreme Court recognised a distinct tort of intimate partner violence in 2026. No directly equivalent standalone tort of coercive control.
Post-separation litigation abuse Family-law guidance recognises use of parenting arrangements as a means of continued control. PD12J and PD12Q allow the court to recognise proceedings or repeated applications as potential continuation of abuse.
“`

What England and Wales should learn from Canada

The lesson is not necessarily that Parliament needs another definition.

We have definitions.

We have statutory guidance.

We have PD12J.

We have appellate authority.

We have specific recognition of post-separation coercive control.

The harder question is whether the system consistently translates those principles into decision-making.

1. Pattern analysis needs to become routine

Courts should ask not merely whether individual allegations are proved but whether the evidence as a whole establishes a pattern and, if it does, what that pattern means for parenting capacity, risk and the child’s welfare.

2. Post-separation conduct matters

Separation should not create an artificial evidential cut-off.

Coercive control may continue through finances, digital surveillance, children, correspondence, handovers, schools, healthcare decisions or litigation.

3. Behaviour involving children needs to be analysed in context

A dispute about a child’s telephone, contact arrangements, passport, clothing, school information or relationships with relatives may be an ordinary parenting disagreement.

Or it may form part of a wider pattern.

Context decides which.

4. Professionals need pattern-recognition training

Canada’s decision to delay commencement of its new criminal offence while training is developed deserves attention.

Legislation cannot recognise coercive control effectively if professional practice repeatedly atomises it.

5. The child’s experience must not disappear behind the parental dispute

Family proceedings often speak about domestic abuse as though it concerns the adults and child arrangements as though they concern the child.

In reality, those questions may be inseparable.

A parent who controls, intimidates or terrorises the other parent may affect that parent’s capacity to care freely, the emotional environment in which the child develops and the child’s own understanding of relationships, loyalty, safety and autonomy.

6. Absence of prosecution is not absence of abuse

This point is fundamental.

Family courts work to a different evidential standard and perform a different function from criminal courts.

A person does not need to have been prosecuted or convicted before domestic abuse can be relevant to a welfare determination.

Canada makes this particularly explicit in its definition of family violence.

England and Wales should be equally clear in practice.

For litigants in person: evidence the pattern, not just the worst day

People experiencing coercive control often make one of two understandable mistakes when preparing family-court evidence.

Some describe everything.

The evidence becomes hundreds of pages long and the central pattern disappears.

Others describe only the most serious incidents.

The court then sees several apparently disconnected events and never understands the controlling system surrounding them.

The answer is not necessarily more evidence.

It is better organised evidence.

A useful coercive-control evidence structure may identify:

“`
  1. The behaviour: what happened?
  2. The repetition: how often did it happen?
  3. The context: what else was happening around it?
  4. The mechanism of control: what was the person trying to control or restrict?
  5. The impact: what changed in the victim’s daily behaviour?
  6. The child impact: what did the child see, hear, experience or change because of it?
  7. Corroboration: what messages, records, witnesses, police material, school evidence, medical material or professional observations support it?
  8. Post-separation continuation: did the behaviour stop, escalate or migrate into another form?
  9. Current risk: why does the historical pattern matter to today’s child-arrangements decision?
“`

The objective is not to attach a sinister interpretation to every disagreement.

It is to make the evidence capable of answering the correct legal question.

Is this ordinary conflict?

Is it a handful of isolated incidents?

Or is there evidence of a sustained pattern in which one person has attempted to subordinate, frighten, isolate, monitor or control another?

Conflict and coercive control are not the same thing

This distinction matters enormously in private children proceedings.

“High conflict” can become a dangerously imprecise label.

Two adults arguing with each other is not necessarily the same phenomenon as one adult establishing a system of coercive control over another.

Calling both situations “conflict” risks flattening the power dynamics.

It may also create false symmetry.

A victim’s resistance, anxiety, protective behaviour or refusal to cooperate with unsafe arrangements should not automatically be treated as equivalent to the behaviour which produced that response.

Context matters.

Pattern matters.

Power matters.

And the child’s lived experience of that dynamic matters.

The deeper significance of Ahluwalia: autonomy itself can be harmed

Perhaps the most intellectually important aspect of the Canadian Supreme Court’s 2026 decision is its recognition that coercive control is capable of producing a distinctive injury to autonomy and equality.

That is useful far beyond damages litigation.

It helps explain why domestic abuse cannot always be measured by visible injury.

Imagine living for years while another person determines who you speak to, what money you can access, what you wear, where you go, when you sleep, what opinions you can safely express, how you parent, who you can contact and what consequences follow if you disobey.

There may be no single incident capable of explaining that experience.

The harm lies partly in the accumulated destruction of freedom.

That is precisely why coercive control requires contextual legal analysis.

And this matters profoundly in family court

Parenting requires more than an ability to feed a child, provide accommodation and get them to school.

It involves recognising that a child is an autonomous developing person with relationships, feelings, loyalties and emotional needs of their own.

Where a parent has engaged in coercive control, the family court may need to ask difficult welfare questions.

Can that parent distinguish the child’s needs from their own need for control?

Can they support the child’s relationship with the other parent?

Can they tolerate the child holding affection for people they dislike?

Can they respect appropriate privacy and boundaries?

Can they make joint decisions without using parental responsibility as leverage?

Do they understand the impact of the abuse?

Has the behaviour genuinely changed?

These are welfare questions, not punishment.

What I hope happens next in England and Wales

I do not think the answer is simply to keep passing legislation and assume the problem has therefore been solved.

The statutory architecture in England and Wales is already considerably stronger than many people realise.

What we need is consistent implementation.

I would like to see:

  • stronger and continuing judicial education on coercive control and post-separation abuse;
  • greater consistency between PD12J on paper and its application in individual cases;
  • proper use of holistic evidence rather than mechanically reducing abuse to isolated incidents;
  • clear analysis of the distinction between conflict and coercive control;
  • greater recognition of children as victims of the abusive environment, not merely witnesses to adult behaviour;
  • careful examination of the use of children, communication and litigation as potential mechanisms of post-separation control;
  • better coordination between criminal justice, family justice, safeguarding and domestic-abuse services;
  • greater emphasis on behaviour, impact and risk rather than stereotypes about how a “real victim” ought to present;
  • proper examination of whether a perpetrator demonstrates insight and sustained behavioural change; and
  • family-court decisions which explain transparently how domestic-abuse findings have affected the welfare analysis.

Most of that does not require inventing a new legal concept.

It requires using the concepts we already have properly.

The central point

“`

Coercive control cannot be understood by taking a relationship apart incident by incident and then asking whether each individual piece looks sufficiently serious. The legal system has to be capable of putting those pieces back together. Only then can it see the pattern, the power dynamic, the impact on autonomy and the consequences for children.

“`

Canada is worth watching

Canada has not solved domestic abuse.

No legislation can make that claim.

Nor should comparative legal analysis become a competition in which one jurisdiction is declared “better” than another.

England and Wales have themselves been internationally significant in criminalising coercive and controlling behaviour.

But Canada’s developing framework deserves serious attention.

Its federal family law tells courts explicitly to look for coercive and controlling patterns.

Its Supreme Court has recognised that intimate partner violence can cause a distinctive injury to dignity, autonomy and equality which traditional incident-based torts do not fully capture.

Its Parliament has now enacted a specific criminal coercive-control offence with a maximum penalty of ten years on indictment.

And, tellingly, Canada is delaying implementation of that offence to allow time for training.

There is a message in all of that.

Coercive control is not merely a category of behaviour. It is a way of understanding abuse.

Once the law accepts that, procedure, evidence gathering, professional training and judicial analysis need to follow.

That is where the next stage of reform in England and Wales should concentrate.


Key legal sources and authorities

“`

This article has been prepared by reference to primary and official materials current as at 8 August 2026, including:

  • Canada, Divorce Act, particularly the statutory definition of family violence and section 16 best-interests provisions concerning family violence and coercive and controlling behaviour.
  • Justice Canada, The Divorce Act Changes Explained, including official guidance concerning family violence, coercive and controlling behaviour and children’s exposure to abuse.
  • Justice Canada HELP Toolkit, addressing identification and response to family violence in family-law practice.
  • Supreme Court of Canada, Ahluwalia v Ahluwalia (2026), concerning the recognition of a tort of intimate partner violence.
  • Protecting Victims Act / Bill C-16, receiving Royal Assent on 18 June 2026, together with Justice Canada’s accompanying legislative material.
  • Domestic Abuse Act 2021.
  • Serious Crime Act 2015, section 76, as amended.
  • Children Act 1989.
  • Family Procedure Rules, Practice Direction 12J — Child Arrangements and Contact Orders: Domestic Abuse and Harm.
  • Practice Direction 12Q concerning section 91(14) Children Act orders.
  • Re H-N and Others (Children) (Domestic Abuse: Finding of Fact Hearings) [2021] EWCA Civ 448.
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This article provides general legal information and commentary. Family proceedings are fact-sensitive and outcomes depend on the evidence, procedural history, orders sought, applicable law and the court’s assessment of the child’s welfare. If domestic abuse or coercive control is relevant to proceedings, careful legal and evidential analysis may be required.

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Children, Character and Adult Responsibility: A JSH Law Response to Katharine Birbalsingh

June 29, 2026/0 Comments/in Children and Family Justice/by jessica susan hill

Katharine Birbalsingh’s speech is uncomfortable because it forces us to ask a question many adults would rather avoid: what are we actually teaching children about responsibility, duty, truth, resilience and moral character? This is not just an education debate. From a family justice and safeguarding perspective, it goes much deeper. Children are growing up in a world where adult conflict is often normalised, social media shapes identity before maturity has formed, boundaries are confused with harm, and “listening to the child” is sometimes misused as an excuse for adults to step back from their own responsibility. Children need rights, protection and compassion. But they also need adults who are brave enough to lead, set boundaries, tell the truth, model self-control and keep adult problems away from childhood.

Children • Safeguarding • Family Justice • Education

“This Is a Civilisational Failure”: What Katharine Birbalsingh’s Speech Gets Right About Children, Character and Adult Responsibility

Children do not become resilient, responsible and emotionally safe by accident. They need adults, families, schools, courts and communities who are willing to provide boundaries, truth, stability, moral clarity and protection.

Summary

Katharine Birbalsingh’s ARC26 speech, titled “This is a civilisational failure!”, argues that the West’s moral crisis is connected to the values adults have taught children. Her focus is education, culture, duty, responsibility and moral character. This article looks at that argument from a JSH Law perspective: family justice, safeguarding, children’s welfare, social media, parental responsibility, coercive control, litigation abuse and the reality of what happens when adults fail to provide children with safe, stable and morally coherent leadership.

In this article

  • Why this speech matters beyond education
  • The problem with outsourcing children’s character formation
  • Why “boundaries” are not the same as cruelty or control
  • What family justice teaches us about adult failure
  • How social media has changed childhood
  • The legal and safeguarding framework
  • What this means for parents, schools, professionals and litigants in person

Katharine Birbalsingh is not a neutral figure in public debate. She is known for strong views on discipline, education, culture and responsibility. Her school, Michaela Community School in London, has attracted both admiration and criticism for its strict ethos and high expectations. Ofsted’s 2023 report recorded that the school continued to be outstanding, noting exceptionally high expectations for behaviour, academic work and personal development.

That does not mean every person will agree with every word she says. They will not. That is not the point.

The point is that she is asking a question many adults would rather avoid:

What are we actually teaching children about life, duty, truth, responsibility, resilience and moral agency?

That question matters deeply in family justice.

Because by the time families arrive in the family court, the issue is rarely just one isolated argument, one missed contact, one unpleasant message, one school dispute, one failed handover or one parenting disagreement. What the court often sees is the end result of patterns: adult conflict, poor boundaries, coercive behaviour, emotional dysregulation, unsafe communication, entrenched grievance, parental alienating behaviours, domestic abuse, social media escalation, financial pressure and adults using children as witnesses, messengers, weapons or emotional support.

That is where the phrase “civilisational failure” lands differently.

It is not just about schools.

It is about what happens when adults abandon their responsibility to form, protect and guide children.

Children Need More Than Rights Language

Children have rights. That matters. Children must be listened to. Their wishes and feelings matter. Their safety matters. Their identity matters. Their emotional wellbeing matters. Their autonomy develops as they mature.

But children also need adults to understand something that modern systems sometimes avoid saying clearly:

Children are still children.

They are not miniature adults. They should not be expected to carry adult conflict, adult ideology, adult loneliness, adult emotional need or adult decision-making. They should not be placed in the middle of parental warfare and then told it is “their choice”. They should not be handed a smartphone, exposed to adult content, pressured by algorithms and then blamed for becoming anxious, reactive, sexualised, aggressive, withdrawn or confused.

A child’s voice matters. But a child’s voice is not the same thing as adult abdication.

The safeguarding point

Listening to children does not mean abandoning adult responsibility. A child can be heard, respected and taken seriously without being made responsible for adult decisions, parental conflict or unsafe family dynamics.

In family court language, this distinction is crucial. The court may consider a child’s wishes and feelings, having regard to age and understanding, but the child’s welfare remains the court’s paramount consideration when deciding questions about upbringing under section 1 of the Children Act 1989.

That is not accidental. It reflects a hard truth: children may have strong wishes, but adults and courts still have a duty to assess safety, context, pressure, manipulation, welfare and long-term impact.

The Problem With Outsourcing Character Formation

One of the strongest themes in Birbalsingh’s speech is the idea that children are being taught to see the world through narrow and destructive frames: oppressor and oppressed, grievance and blame, identity and victimhood.

That point needs careful handling.

There are real victims. Domestic abuse is real. Coercive control is real. Racism is real. misogyny is real. poverty is real. disability discrimination is real. institutional failure is real. Children who are harmed should not be told to “toughen up” while adults protect the systems or people who failed them.

But there is also a serious danger when children are taught that identity alone explains everything, that personal responsibility is oppressive, that boundaries are harm, that discipline is abuse, that all discomfort is trauma, and that the correct response to difficulty is always blame.

That is not empowerment.

It leaves children fragile, reactive and dependent on external validation.

Real safeguarding is not about wrapping children in cotton wool. It is about helping them become safe, capable, truthful, resilient and morally responsible people.

A better balance

Children need both compassion and accountability.

They need both protection and resilience.

They need both rights and responsibilities.

They need adults who can say: “What happened to you matters, and what you do next also matters.”

Boundaries Are Not Abuse

This is where the conversation becomes difficult, particularly for those of us working around domestic abuse, coercive control and safeguarding.

We need to be precise.

Boundaries are not the same as control.

Discipline is not the same as domination.

Authority is not the same as coercion.

But abusive adults often misuse the language of discipline, respect, culture, religion, family values and parental authority to justify harmful behaviour. That is why we must distinguish healthy structure from coercive control.

Healthy boundary Coercive control
Clear, age-appropriate rules explained calmly. Rules used to frighten, isolate, humiliate or dominate.
Consistent consequences linked to behaviour. Punishment that is unpredictable, disproportionate or designed to break the person down.
Encouraging responsibility and repair. Demanding submission, silence or compliance.
Protecting a child from harm. Using “protection” as an excuse to monitor, isolate or control.
Adult authority exercised for the child’s welfare. Adult power exercised for the adult’s ego, image or control.

Family courts, schools, social workers, Cafcass and professionals must be able to hold both truths at once.

Children need boundaries.

Children also need protection from adults who weaponise boundaries.

Family Justice Shows Us What Happens When Adults Fail

In family proceedings, the court often has to pick through the wreckage of adult failure.

A parent refuses to communicate safely.

A child is told too much.

A parent presents adult grievances as the child’s wishes.

Contact becomes a battleground.

Allegations are minimised, exaggerated, ignored or weaponised.

Domestic abuse is reframed as “conflict”.

Coercive control is missed because professionals look for single incidents rather than patterns.

A child learns that love means loyalty tests, emotional pressure, secrecy or fear.

This is why character formation cannot be treated as a soft issue. It has legal, emotional and safeguarding consequences.

The family court reality

When adults do not regulate themselves, children are often forced to adapt around adult dysfunction. That adaptation may look like “choice”, “maturity” or “strong wishes”, but sometimes it is survival, pressure, loyalty conflict or emotional exhaustion.

That is why evidence-led family justice matters.

Courts need more than accusation and counter-accusation. They need clear chronology, patterns of behaviour, examples, impact on the child, safeguarding analysis and practical proposals. Professionals need to ask not only, “What does the child say?” but also:

  • What has the child been exposed to?
  • Who has had influence over the child’s narrative?
  • Is the child being placed in a loyalty conflict?
  • Has one parent used litigation, money, communication or contact arrangements as pressure?
  • Are there patterns of intimidation, monitoring, isolation or emotional manipulation?
  • What would make this child safer, calmer and more secure?

Social Media Has Changed Childhood

Birbalsingh’s speech also points toward a wider cultural problem: children are being shaped by social media, algorithms and online culture at a scale adults have not properly controlled.

We should be honest about this.

Many children now receive moral instruction from platforms designed to capture attention, provoke reaction, reward outrage and keep users scrolling. That is not a neutral environment. It changes language. It changes expectations. It changes how children understand identity, relationships, sex, conflict, popularity, shame, humiliation, violence and status.

The Online Safety Act 2023 reflects Parliament’s recognition that online platforms have duties in relation to illegal content and children’s exposure to harmful material. Government materials on the Act describe duties on platforms to protect child users and enforce age limits more consistently.

But legislation alone will not raise children.

Parents, schools and communities cannot simply say, “The platform should sort it.” Of course platforms should be held to account. But adults also need to know what children are watching, who they are speaking to, what messages are shaping them and whether online life is becoming a substitute parent.

Practical safeguarding questions

  • Does the child have unrestricted access to adult content?
  • Are they being drawn into misogynistic, violent, extremist or self-harm content?
  • Are they being groomed, pressured, bullied or humiliated online?
  • Are parents using phones to monitor, control or interrogate the child?
  • Is one parent using messages, screenshots or social media to influence the child against the other?
  • Is online activity affecting sleep, school, anxiety, aggression or family relationships?

The Legal Framework: Welfare, Safeguarding and Adult Responsibility

From a family law perspective, this debate must come back to welfare.

Under section 1 of the Children Act 1989, when a court determines any question about a child’s upbringing, the child’s welfare is the court’s paramount consideration. That principle is not sentimental. It is practical. It requires the court to look beyond adult entitlement and focus on what is best for the child.

Safeguarding guidance also places responsibility on adults and agencies. Keeping Children Safe in Education 2025 sets out the legal duties schools and colleges must follow to safeguard and promote the welfare of children. Working Together to Safeguard Children 2026 emphasises multi-agency responsibility, clarity of roles and effective support for children who need help and protection.

So when we talk about moral character, discipline, responsibility and culture, we should not treat those as abstract political ideas. They sit alongside very real legal and safeguarding duties.

The legal and safeguarding reality

Children need adults to protect them from harm.

Children need adults to promote their welfare.

Children need adults to model safe behaviour.

Children need adults to tell the truth.

Children need adults to stop making adult conflict their burden.

That applies whether the adult is a parent, teacher, social worker, Cafcass officer, solicitor, McKenzie Friend, religious leader, politician, platform owner or judge.

A Trauma-Informed Response Does Not Mean No Standards

One of the mistakes in public debate is the false choice between compassion and standards.

Some people talk about discipline as if children simply need to be controlled.

Others talk about trauma as if expectations are inherently harmful.

Both positions are too crude.

A trauma-informed approach does not mean children should have no boundaries, no consequences, no responsibility and no expectations. It means adults understand that behaviour may be communication, that fear changes the nervous system, that shame can escalate harm, and that children who have experienced instability may need calm, predictable, relationally safe structure.

In other words: trauma-informed practice should make adults better at boundaries, not afraid of them.

Children who have been harmed do not need chaos dressed up as kindness. They need safety, predictability, attunement, truth and adults who can stay regulated.

This is particularly important in domestic abuse cases.

A child who has lived with coercive control may be hypervigilant. A child who has witnessed violence may become aggressive, withdrawn, compliant or controlling. A child caught in post-separation abuse may say what they think the powerful adult wants to hear. A child who has been emotionally parentified may appear mature while carrying entirely inappropriate burdens.

The answer is not permissiveness.

The answer is safe, skilled, evidence-led adult leadership.

What This Means for Parents

Parents do not need to be perfect. No parent is.

But children do need parents who are willing to take responsibility.

That means:

  • Do not involve children in adult disputes.
  • Do not show children court documents, hostile messages or adult allegations unless there is a clear safeguarding reason and professional advice.
  • Do not use “the child’s wishes” as a shield for adult manipulation.
  • Do not undermine the other safe parent to secure loyalty.
  • Do not outsource parenting to devices.
  • Do not confuse permissiveness with love.
  • Do not confuse control with protection.
  • Do not make children responsible for your loneliness, anger or emotional regulation.

Positive parenting is not weak parenting. It involves warmth, structure, honesty, repair and consistency.

Children need to know that adults can apologise. They need to see adults resolve conflict without threats. They need to hear adults say, “That was not acceptable,” without humiliation or cruelty. They need to learn that love is not the absence of boundaries.

What This Means for Schools

Schools cannot replace families. But they are often the first place where the impact of family breakdown, domestic abuse, neglect, poor sleep, online harm and emotional insecurity becomes visible.

A school culture that values behaviour, kindness, duty, learning and personal responsibility can be protective. It can give children stability. It can give them a model of adult authority that is calm and predictable. It can create a place where children are not ruled by the loudest, most aggressive or most disruptive pupil in the room.

But schools also have to be alert to safeguarding realities.

A child who is repeatedly late, exhausted, anxious, aggressive, hungry, withdrawn, unusually compliant or suddenly refusing contact with a parent may not simply be “difficult”. There may be something happening at home. There may be coercive control. There may be neglect. There may be a parent using the child as a messenger. There may be online harm. There may be fear.

The best school cultures hold standards and curiosity together.

A safeguarding-aware school asks

  • What has changed?
  • What pattern are we seeing?
  • What is the child communicating through behaviour?
  • Are there safe adults around this child?
  • Is the child being placed under pressure by an adult?
  • What information needs to be shared, and with whom, to safeguard this child?

What This Means for Family Court Cases

For litigants in person, this discussion is not theoretical. It affects how cases should be prepared.

If you are involved in children proceedings, do not simply say:

“The other parent is damaging the child.”

That may be true. But the court needs evidence, examples, dates, patterns, impact and practical proposals.

Better questions are:

  • What exactly has happened?
  • When did it happen?
  • How do I know?
  • What was the child’s presentation before and after?
  • Is there a pattern?
  • What evidence supports it?
  • What order am I asking the court to make?
  • How does that order promote the child’s welfare?
  • How does it reduce conflict or safeguarding risk?

A welfare-focused case is not built on outrage. It is built on clarity.

If your concern is emotional harm, coercive control, alienating behaviour, unsafe communication, online exposure, neglect, educational instability or the child being burdened with adult issues, organise the evidence properly.

Courts are more likely to understand patterns when those patterns are set out calmly and chronologically.

Practical evidence examples

  • A short chronology of key incidents.
  • A schedule showing dates, behaviour, evidence and impact on the child.
  • School attendance, lateness, behaviour or wellbeing records where relevant.
  • Messages showing unsafe communication or adult conflict being pushed through the child.
  • Examples of the child being asked to choose sides.
  • Evidence of online harm, monitoring, pressure or inappropriate exposure.
  • Clear proposals for safer handovers, communication, boundaries and contact arrangements.

The Bigger Point: Children Need Adults to Be Adults

The reason Birbalsingh’s speech has resonated is because many people can feel that something has gone wrong.

Children are anxious.

Parents are overwhelmed.

Teachers are exhausted.

Family courts are overloaded.

Social media is shaping children faster than adults can respond.

Professionals are often afraid to speak plainly.

And too many children are left to navigate adult confusion without enough guidance, protection or moral structure.

We do not fix that by shouting slogans at one another.

We fix it by taking adult responsibility seriously again.

That means:

  • Parents setting loving, consistent boundaries.
  • Schools creating safe, purposeful cultures.
  • Courts focusing on welfare, evidence and long-term impact.
  • Professionals naming coercive control and emotional harm where it exists.
  • Adults refusing to use children as weapons in adult disputes.
  • Platforms being held to account for the environments they create.
  • Communities rebuilding expectations around duty, service, truth and care.

This is not nostalgia. It is safeguarding.

Children need freedom, but freedom without formation is abandonment.

Children need compassion, but compassion without truth is sentimentality.

Children need rights, but rights without responsible adults are not enough.

For Litigants in Person: Make the Court’s Job Easier

If you are a litigant in person dealing with child arrangements, safeguarding concerns, coercive control, alienating behaviours or post-separation abuse, the court needs help to see the pattern clearly.

Do not bury the issue in long emotional statements. Do not send pages of screenshots with no explanation. Do not assume the court will automatically understand the significance of behaviour that has taken months or years to unfold.

Your job is to make the court’s job easier.

That means presenting:

  • the issue;
  • the evidence;
  • the pattern;
  • the impact on the child;
  • the safeguarding risk;
  • the practical order sought;
  • why that order is in the child’s welfare interests.

The strongest family court documents are calm, specific and child-focused. They do not need to be dramatic. They need to be clear.

How JSH Law Can Help

JSH Law supports people navigating the family court, particularly where there are concerns about domestic abuse, coercive control, safeguarding, child arrangements, emotional harm, post-separation abuse, litigation abuse or overwhelming evidence.

Support can include:

  • organising evidence into clear schedules;
  • preparing chronologies;
  • drafting or improving witness statements;
  • helping prepare position statements;
  • reviewing Cafcass or section 7 report concerns;
  • preparing for hearings;
  • identifying safeguarding patterns and welfare impact;
  • helping litigants in person present their case clearly and calmly.

The aim is simple: to help you present the reality of what is happening in a way the court can understand and act on.

Book a consultation Contact JSH Law

Conclusion

Katharine Birbalsingh’s speech will divide opinion. Strong speeches usually do.

But the underlying question should not be dismissed:

What kind of adults are we forming?

For those of us concerned with family justice, safeguarding and children’s welfare, that question is urgent.

Children need adults who are compassionate enough to protect them and courageous enough to guide them.

They need adults who can tell the truth without cruelty.

They need adults who understand that boundaries are not the enemy of love.

They need adults who stop turning adult conflict into childhood trauma.

They need homes, schools, courts and communities that take welfare seriously in practice, not just in language.

If we fail at that, then yes, we are looking at something much deeper than an education debate.

We are looking at a failure of adult responsibility.

Sources and further reading

  • “This is a civilisational failure!” – Katharine Birbalsingh [ARC26]
  • Children Act 1989, section 1: welfare of the child
  • Keeping Children Safe in Education 2025
  • Working Together to Safeguard Children
  • Online Safety Act explainer
  • Ofsted report: Michaela Community School, 2023

Disclaimer: This article is for general information only and is not legal advice. Family court outcomes depend on the facts, evidence, procedural history, safeguarding issues, the orders sought and the court’s assessment of the child’s welfare. If you are involved in proceedings, consider taking legal advice or obtaining appropriate support with your documents and evidence.

https://jshlaw.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/ChatGPT-Image-Feb-3-2026-03_26_42-AM.png 1024 1536 jessica susan hill https://jshlaw.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/jsh-law-logo-new-black-300x67.png jessica susan hill2026-06-29 23:24:552026-06-29 23:24:58Children, Character and Adult Responsibility: A JSH Law Response to Katharine Birbalsingh

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Authorities Used

– Family Procedure Rules 2010, SI 2010/2955 (U.K.), rr. 1.1, 1.3, pts. 3, 6, 17, 22, 25, 9.
– Practice Direction 3A (MIAM).
– Practice Direction 12B (Child Arrangements Programme).
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– Children Act 1989, c. 41 (U.K.)

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